“When will it be your turn?”

By Sara Almario

I believe I read this quote at Facebook once. I tried looking for it again but since I can’t find it, I’ll paraphrase it:

“(For girls) When you finish high school, you go to college. When you go to college, people ask you, ‘when will you graduate?’ When you graduate, you get asked, ‘when are you going to get a job?’ When you get a job, you get asked, ‘when are you getting a boyfriend?’ You get a boyfriend, you get asked, ‘when will you get married?’ After you get married, people will then ask you, ‘when are you getting a baby?’”


Yes, this is the never-ending cycle of dissatisfaction in life. When you reach your 20s, you are in a state of limbo that will eventually lead to “the rest of your life.”

According to your elders, the “rest of your life” consists of the following things: a degree, a job, marriage and kids. No one ever mentions the in-betweens of wanting to travel, wanting to enjoy your new-found independence or of the glory of spending your own hard-earned money.

No, the norm is to have a degree, a job, marriage and kids. Going outside the norm will lead you to never-ending questions of “when will it happen for you?” And if it doesn’t happen yet, it seems like a giant failure on your part.

My interpretation of the question “when will you get married?” is equal to “how come you’re not married yet?” I saw my friends who are couples getting married at 20, 21,22… I just turned 24 and I just got engaged. For the longest time though, I had this overwhelming pressure of needing to keep up with those friends who got married younger.

My fiancé Ray and I are different from them. Our friends who got married young were ready. We weren’t. Our commitment for each other, our maturity and our career situation kept us from getting married at that age. I do remember attending each of those friends’ weddings and the annoying “when will it be your turn?” question kept popping up.

What I found interesting is that those questions were directed at me, not him. For a man, it’s acceptable to be single until he turns 30, but for a woman who will be 25 soon, she’ll die as a spinster if she’s still not married.

I was unhappy with my relationship status for a while because I thought Ray’s commitment level is not up to par to what was expected of us. The thought of him taking his time and deciding for himself when he’s ready to propose marriage to me, did not even cross my mind.

I’m happy to report I am currently blissfully engaged. This was done at our time. Ray proposed at his time. I should have ignored the pressure and frustration I felt when I got asked that annoying question.

Now there’s a new question I dread: “When are you planning to have a baby?” Ray and I always answer, “In a couple of years.” Some people leave it at that. Some ask, “how come?” I admire my friends who have babies in the first year of marriage, but I’m not mature enough to be a mother yet. Ray and I are currently enjoying each other’s company and enjoying our careers to even think about having children immediately. Ray always tells me, “Let’s plan the wedding first OK? One thing at a time.”

Exactly. One thing at a time. And it will be on our own time and when we want it to happen. It could be in a couple of years or ten years from now, I don’t care. I am thoroughly satisfied at our current situation to let any “when will…” question bother me right now. It’s just annoying when I have this weird pressure to abide by what’s considered the “natural progression of life.” Ummm… YOLO. Seriously. You Only Live Once. I’m enjoying the present situation. I don’t need to know when “it” will happen to me.